Good Housekeeping recently had an article, “Your Sexiest Self — Get It Back” (February, 2010). It poignantly described one woman’s loss of libido for all of the usual reasons: overwhelmed with life, kids entering the picture, relationship getting “old,” she was getting older.
So the writer and her husband saw noted psychologist and sex therapist David Schnarch for a three hour session. Presto! Whammo! In one afternoon their primary issues were identified and addressed and she was back in the game.
Okay, so I’m oversimplifying things. But the author did comment on the fact that once her husband was able to be “real” with her and get “angry” and not always be “so nice,” she experienced real desire for him for the first time in a long while.
I’m skeptical it will last, though. Really intense emotions and sudden epiphanies and moment of deep connection are important and no doubt do wonders for the short term sex drive. They really help. And some times, honestly, kick-starting the sexual relationship with a short term energy blast can make all the difference and turn things around again.
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But I think that often, when the ongoing, slow simmer of a regular sex drive is gone, it’s important to get the whole picture, that is the physical stuff as well as the psychological stuff.
So if you’re one of those people who’ve been able to create moments of deep passion through sex therapy, but have wondered why these moments don’t seem to sustain themselves, don’t give up. Get the whole picture.
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Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus is a certified sex therapist and the Clinical Director of Maze Women’s Sexual Health, one of the largest centers for women’s sexual health in the country. Dr. Marcus wrote her dissertation on women and vibrator use while earning her Doctor of Philosophy in human sexuality from the Institute of Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She also has a Master’s in public health from the same institution. She is a licensed social worker with a Master’s degree from Columbia University. Dr. Marcus has worked as the executive director of not-for-profit institutions and corporations, medical practices and laboratories. In addition to being featured in a NY Times article, she is a frequent guest on radio, podcasts and has lectured both nationally and overseas on a wide variety of women's issues.
Saturday, 20 January 2018