Yesterday, a patient told me that she and her husband had developed a new way of communicating about sex and I thought it was so clever, I thought I’d pass it along! They have been having some problems with their sex life and, more recently, although things were getting better, her husband was getting fed up with approaching her and having her put him off. So they developed a system. If she’s okay having sex that evening/night, she puts a sign on his pillow that says “Yes.” If he’s in the mood too, he can approach her pretty sure that she’ll say yes. (Once in a while, she begs off because after having put the sign there, life spun out of control and she’s too tired, but mostly she is a go.)
The sign on the bed has changed their whole dynamic. She can be proactive without feeling uncomfortable, he can be pretty sure he won’t be rejected. It’s working so well for them, she told me that she is considering having a pillow embroidered with “yes” on one side and “no” on the other. The truth is that this is really not such a new idea. Archeologists have found “sex” objects which seem to be specially intended for this purpose. These are small objects, dishes, vases, plates that can be set up in one of two ways. If the object is set in a certain way (the couple together or separate or open or closed) that would be a non-verbal communication to the woman’s partner that she is open to the idea of having sex that day or evening. If they are set in the “no” position, the partner would get that message as well.
Anyhow, I thought resurrecting the concept was a cute one. I suggested that maybe her husband could get a “yes” sign also. And then when there were two “yesses” on the pillow, they’d be good to go!
** By submitting your information, you agree to receive email from Maze periodically; you can opt out at any time. Maze does not share email addresses nor any other personal or medical data with third parties.
WE RECOMMEND THE VIDEO: Healthy Eating Habits for Women [] IN HINDI []
What does healthy eating look like? Fruits and vegetables. Everyone needs to eat fruits and vegetables every day. Protein. Eat different types of foods with ...
Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus is a certified sex therapist and the Clinical Director of Maze Women’s Sexual Health, one of the largest centers for women’s sexual health in the country. Dr. Marcus wrote her dissertation on women and vibrator use while earning her Doctor of Philosophy in human sexuality from the Institute of Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She also has a Master’s in public health from the same institution. She is a licensed social worker with a Master’s degree from Columbia University. Dr. Marcus has worked as the executive director of not-for-profit institutions and corporations, medical practices and laboratories. In addition to being featured in a NY Times article, she is a frequent guest on radio, podcasts and has lectured both nationally and overseas on a wide variety of women's issues.