People fall in love every day — but when a twosome become completely enamored with one another, what’s going on in their brains?
Over the past few decades, many researchers have looked at the so-called “rules of attraction” — what it is about our chemical makeup that sparks up chemistry with another person. “It’s never just one thing, like facial symmetry or pheromones,” says Brian Grossman, PhD, a psychologist and communication expert in Los Angeles. “But there are some concrete, specific issues that lend themselves to immediate, long-term attraction and relationships.”
Ever wonder what it was that attracted you to your significant other? Perhaps it’s one of these fall-in-love factors.
1. Political Parallelism
Think it was his clever sense of humor that had you falling for him? Turns out, it probably had more to do with his voting history. A 2012 study published in the journal Political Behavior found that positive assortation is a common behavior among liberals and conservatives alike, meaning that we tend to choose partners with similar political views. And that makes sense, says Dr. Grossman: “It would be hard to have a relationship long-term with someone with a dramatically different political view. It’s a different value set, which goes to our core.”
2. A Symmetrical Face
Could it have been your partner’s evenly spaced eyes that attracted you to her? A 2011 European study published in Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society Bfound that facial symmetry can positively affect attraction. “It’s a survival of the fittest thing,” Grossman says. “We subconsciously look at their face and say, ‘That’s a great face — our kids are going to look awesome!” This judgment is a quick one, too — it takes more than a nanosecond, but less than a second, says Grossman.
3. Your Zip Code
In this special Valentine's Day episode of Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu, she and special guests Steph Purpura and Emily Morse get real about relationships.
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No one likes long-distance relationships — but that has little to do with why someone’s address impacts whether you’ll be romantically attracted to them. Instead, it has to do with cultural values: If you’re raised in one place, your idea of attractiveness may be completely different than that of someone raised somewhere else.
In fact, a 2005 study published in the journal Psychological Science found that men who live in cultures where food and money are scarce tend to find heavier women more attractive than thinner ones. These men may see the extra pounds as a status symbol; a buxom figure signals having the means to purchase plenty of food.
4. The Number of Candles on the Cake
We’ve become a culture that’s obsessed with defying age — and research may help prove why: A 1995 study from the journal Current Anthropology found that men from five different cultures showed a preference for females with youthful features like large eyes, a small nose, and full lips, showing that we subconsciously seek out partners who are most likely to be able to reproduce. And though the study didn’t examine women’s preferences, Grossman is willing to bet that females have similar penchants for younger-looking partners.
But Grossman warns that physical attraction doesn’t always add up to a healthy relationship. Though a 65-year-old man might find a 20-year-old woman attractive, they’re probably not a great match. “A more than 25- or 30-year difference is always difficult to overcome,” he says.
5. Mirror Images
Opposites don’t always attract. In a 2016 study published in Frontiers in Psychology, coupled participants were significantly more attracted to people with faces similar to theirs than were uncoupled participants. According to the study, these results supported the idea that preferences for dissimilarity maybe stronger in single people are actively searching for a partner.
The researchers theorize that this response evolved to prevent accidentally becoming sexually attracted to relatives, while at the same time guiding us to fall in love with long-term mates who are reasonably similar to us. “We do not want to date relatives, but we do trust people who are similar to us,” Grossman says. Now we realize the whole ‘opposites attract’ thing is lust.. Most opposites don’t stay together long-term.”
Friday, 25 September 2020