4. Find your G-spot. or not
The existence of the G-spot (named for German scientist Ernst Grafenberg, who first described it) is as hotly debated as the existence of extraterrestrials. Some sexperts believe this sensual real estate exists; others insist it’s sheer fantasy. Which camp do you fall into? That usually depends on whether you get orgasms from clitoral stimulation or vaginal penetration. So where's this magic place? It’s behind the belly and pubic bone, about two inches inside your vagina. You can locate yours with fingers and some sex positions (being on top is one of the best). Just remember, the G-spot isn’t the holy grail of sex. “All women have this sensitive area,” assures sex researcher Beverly Whipple, Ph.D., co-author of The Science of Orgasm (Johns Hopkins University Press). “But not everyone likes it stimulated, just as not everyone likes when someone blows in their ear.”
Give soft and sultry directions, Berman says. In your sexiest voice, whisper “I go crazy when you ___.” Or simply take your partner’s fingers (or lips or tongue or penis) on a tour of your erogenous zones. Let him know that you’re not always going to come, even if he’s doing everything right, Berman notes. It’ll ease the pressure and let you both enjoy the ride. 7. Give yourself a hand
Contrary to steamy Hollywood sex scenes, only 30% of women have orgasms through intercourse. So if penetration doesn't quite do it, not to worry. There’s nothing wrong with you. Life doesn’t always imitate art. Don’t be shy. Reach down and give yourself a helping hand during sex.
8. Full speed ahead with foreplay
Share this tidbit with your guy: Men can go from zero to orgasm in seven minutes, but women take as long as 20 to get warmed up. That’s why foreplay was invented. It revs the engines, even if you’re not feeling frisky because the brain is a major sex organ. And if you’re mentally paying bills while your partner is looking for thrills, the only thing you’re likely to share is a sexless spat. Redefine foreplay, Berman suggests. Let your hubby put the kids to bed while you unwind with a bath and candles. “Then [you’ll be] in a better place to respond sexually,” Berman notes.
9. Better than ibuprofen
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For years women have used the ol’ dodge
Not tonight, I’ve got a headache. Turns out, we should’ve been saying the opposite. Orgasms trigger endorphins, those feel-good brain chemicals that improve mood and curb pain. Check out In Pain? Have an Orgasm for more information. Animal studies have shown that orgasms can be as potent as morphine in quelling headaches, menstrual cramps, even whiplash and arthritis. True, the relief is short-lived (about eight minutes long), but orgasms aren’t toxic to your liver and they won’t upset your tummy like over-the-counter pain relievers can.
Berman recommends doing 100-150 Kegel squeezes a day to keep them in sexy shape. You can do them anywhere, anytime (just not while peeing). Yoga, Pilates and other core-strengthening workouts also tone PC muscles. How’s Your Sex Life?
For some of us, having regular sex is like breathing – we couldn’t live without it. Others don’t mind an occasional dry spell. Where do you stand on the nookie spectrum? Find out how much you want it with this libido quiz.